Making Song, Making Sanity- via Kabir+

Pardon me in case you come looking for this entry- I have moved it to a new location. Kindly check it here -

http://prateekshalaya.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/research-writing-chronicling-the-process-of-a-submission/

It was not in sync with the Kabir blog that this blog is meant to be.
Thank you for your interest in my writing.

Kabir is like a wave that Returns

I recall that every year one way or another, some stirring happens in the name of Kabir...as though a wave keeps returning back to the coast with varying amplitudes. Somehow I also wonder if by the time a calender year ends, how Kabir makes an appearance in my life.

What a mystical relationship I feel sometimes, that goes through its own cycles or circles, and on and onward.

So here are the things that finally happened THIS YEAR-

First of all, I decided about the idea of Hamsadhwani Enterprises, and to bring music into its center and not the remaining arts, as I did in the past. Music pedagogy has always been a serious concern for me, partially because of the difficulty in receiving musical training myself. On a tangent, I am reminded of my master Kabir, who kept looking for a guru who would give him deeksha and show him the path of god (the way I did, after every single music teacher of mine) And then when he found his own Ram(and through him me too)...there was so much he created. In other words, teachers were always the same- full of their own knowledge and not really bowed under its weight or responsibility!

Secondly, out of the blue I read about the Canadian Journal of Music Therapy and decided to contribute something in qualitative research. I have always felt that Kabir and me are so close to one another, or rather his poetry is such an expression of me, that to write one paper can only be the start of a longer expression, which would necessarily be a book. The first paper I have written in music therapy (for a journal) is about Kabir (!). Just today I signed the document handing over copyrights in part to the Canadian Association of Music Therapy and part to myself for using the paper. Wow! I felt very honored.

When I opened this blog to write just now, I saw that the one lower entry talks of my idea of Kabir singing workshop from 16th July! In other words I thought about it that long back. So the workshop idea becomes the first service that we would offer from Hamsadhwani, and that is the next little idea.Number three.

The fourth idea was Pranab's- to make a video...and we got down to it, in a jiffy. Just recorded it and canned it on 3rd Dec 2013. Look at some of us here, shot by Sabyasachi, the editor :) We look like a band of crooks...happy after a robbery- Two are also a bit worried about the consequences.

The team that was involved with the recording of the Kabir video. L-R: the young lad who came with the lights and studio equipment, Dhananjay, tabla artist, Me- voice (just in case my role was not clear!!), Amarpreet, harmonium artist, and Pranab- filmmaker and the spirit behind this whole team coming together.

So now from the sense I get is that the video will be made of a satirical song- mann na rangaaye rangaaye jogi kapda 

So this is at the time of writing this, I have planned a demo-workshop of Kabir singing, on the next weekend. Let us see how it goes. The response that I have got thus far is heartening mostly- may be I am only tuning into those who are supportive.

I am NOT mentioning here about the new Kabir compositions that happened this year, because that is a part of life every now and then.

The Kabir Singing Workshops

This idea of doing the workshops actually came to me when I finished writing my paper for the Canadian Journal of Music therapy , about my journey of healing through engagement with Kabir's poetry. Me and Prof Ajit Dalal spoke much about my musical repertoire over the last many years.

In any case he and me are planning to set up a Hansadhwani research project in music therapy, so why not use bhakti singing we thought? It may happen that way, as singing is something that instantly lifts people from the glooms that their mind plunges them into.

But this workshop idea came just like a flash to me, for i have seen for years and years people running after listening to Kabir. I thought why not let them search for their Kabir within themselves too, the outer can be accompanied by an inner journey too. So this is the genesis

Prof Girishwar Misra was so thrilled to see the whole conception that he said, it could become a movement in society! That is the work that others can do, and Shabnam Virmani really did bring Kabir into the centerstage for young people around with her great movies. I am simply someone who loves Kabir, loves people and would love to join the dots...wherever I can. I see myself as a collaborator of a different nature- perhaps toward empowering people by adding to their skills

The seed has been sown and I spoke with many. Let's see for every idea has its own life, its own time and its trajectory. Hamsadhwani is just learning to walk- the flight would have to be of the ideas alone.

A Many Stranded Musical Braid I Weave

If I see my musical life as a braid- the one which has several strands in it, a dominant strand is represented by Kabir. It is very astonishing how deeply Kabir runs through me- like an inner guru, an ego ideal, a prominent strand of my consciousness, a lens to examine the world around with and my own voice sometimes calling out to the almighty.

Just now i was writing my first article about my own musical recovery from illness and in that I saw how dominant Kabir's presence is- to the extent that i understood it cannot be summed up in one article alone (since for this one i have a word limit of about 8500) For long I knew Kabir was someone who merited a lot more work from me, as part of my musical journey. I hope I will be able to accomplish it.

For now once I wind off this article/paper I hope to share it more openly, including the story of my long illness and how debilitating it has been. The idea of course being to empower others who may be going through the same or similar pathways.

So though Kabir is one strand, however prominent it may seem, it is not the entire braid- and i am thankful for that to my own inner guru, which was once projected on Kabir, the other strands of my musical journey are equally deep, meaningful and sublime. But for this paper all my inquiry is being done from the point of Kabir only- how his poetic voice becomes my voice, how my voice finds a calling in his voice and then how the dichotomy ends and i become one with my inner voice, which now comes to me from all sides that i can pay heed to.

END OF JOURNEY if you think about it- for this marks the end of my fragmentation.

Kabir, me and All India Radio

For the last few days there has been a churning in my mind about Kabir.

I started to write for the first time about Kabir, not in a blog format, nor poetry - but the reasons and the manner in which Kabir entered my life. IT has been a long journey.

And today as I record this- spiritually i find myself in a quiet place- for how else could have been someone who engaged with Kabir at an early age?

I was invited by the National Channel of the All India Radio- to discuss and share my story of Kabir. There is so much to share, that a program like that is really not enough. And I realize that if you do not tell the anchors they can pretty much not ask you the questions which evoke serious, insightful responses. How can they? They engage with so many people of so many different lines of work it is simply not possible to ask the best questions.

But that reminds me about my own interview with Madhup Mudgal long back- when i worked as a young editorial assistant in the (now dead) ARTimes. I read and read so much about Kumar Gandharva- because I was going to talk to his disciple about him. I wanted to ask him good questions, where he would say something insightful about his guru. The interview was among the most successful interviews done with Madhup Bhaiya himself, he confessed himself. Imagine my recorder failed to record anything!!! So when I checked it after a few minutes it was blank. IN panic i called up bhaiya and told him what happened. He immediately came down with his own recording device:)- but now i had figured out to be more careful and I managed to record him again on my own device.But that was a different time- I was just about 25.

IN the radio interview we talked and the tanpura kept playing quietly in the background and whenever i was up to it, I just sang a line or so- the manner I normally do while speaking about kabir or illustrating something musical. IT was interested as I did not know that such a thing could be done on the radio also!

The real interesting part was that I had been invited for a 15 minute interview!!! I felt like telling them that calling me for a 15 minute interview is a waste of my and their effort- i should be given at least an hour. But I did not have to say that to anyone- they automatically gave me an hour, and decided that the same interview could be broadcast in three different programs- cutting chunks here and there. Those three programs would be the original Mulakaat for which I was invited, Stree Shakti and Sant Baani. So let us see how this goes. I hope I get connected, as I will be out of Delhi at the time of the broadcast.

Once upon a time when I had gone for the first time to audition at the AIR- Delhi station, i had only given options of Kabir bhajans. When i sang at the audition, I was asked do you not sing anything else? I said no. They never cleared me as a candidate. Next time I interspersed Kabir with a little bit of Meera and only then could i go past the clearance line. But that was long back-2004. I have not bothered about the radio ever since. But now maybe I need to reconsider that decision, so am just getting together my list, which is not going to be Kabir only all over again- even though my Kabir repertoire has really become big!

The Many named ONE

(To my friends who have wondered about why I have so many names...)

I am the many named One

Nay I do not remain one even in the way 

You meet me now and then

Or as and when

For like my garment, 

Many a name I don-

Just like the seasons, that wear a new look

Every few months

I do too-

Why shouldn't I 

For I am the many named One-

And no name of me is just another of my whims

In fact, each contains all and it all reflects me

There is a girl name I have 

And a woman name

I have a Hindu name now-(prateeksha)

And a Muslim name then-(saba/naheed)

To some a Sikh name it seems, (preeti)

And sometimes a Christian name I have- (michelle)

And then Hansadhwani- my vision for the world

The woman who carries the swan and all that the swan holds

I am the infinite tossing in the infinite 

And wherever I see a part of me reflected

I reflect that part at thee (and you see me in my new yet another avatar)

I become a whole universe here

And there I become a little atom.

Then the many roles I perform

You call them different names, don't you?

For one a daughter, another a sister, a friend

A teacher, or an artist, a poet or a scientist...

When you see me in so many roles

Why should I just have ONE name

When they have their own special names too?

I am the multi-hued one, 

The singer who sings in three languages

The poet who writes in another one and the teacher ...

The dreamer, the gardener, the cook, the composer,

The dog pack leader, the guide, the friend

Who speaks another

And all my languages converge to become one complete

Unending flow- Tis the flow of love (preet)

And nay it is not love of one kind only

In it flows my entire being, my soul, my world

And all that is a part of my world-including you

In it I occasionally take a deep breath and dive down

To come up and see myself coloured in yet another hue

There was once a blue, now a green, now a sunny yellow

Just as there have been greyest of dawns and darkest of nights

And I still hide them in my numerous folds

With so many colours, hues and shades to me

How can I just remain One name?

Daughter of the heavens, you call by so many names

Just like my divine origin (as much as your own, though you may have forgotten of it)

And they are all me- prateeksha, preeti, saba, naheed, cymbal, michelle,hansadhwani...

Lightly as I tread the world

Lightly a new garment I don

Lightly a new name I take

Brightly my smile I flash 

And yet nothing is light at all

For a deep thought goes into it all-

Every light step that I take

So now you know when you see me in another avatar

That I am the many named ONE

And all contain me

And despite it all, though serious I maybe

I am still the lightest, the one filled with mirth

The one who flows quietly, peacefully 

Anchored at last internally.

Dated: 30th June 2012

Birth of 'Saba' Prateeksha

मेरे सतगुरु पकड़ी बांह नहीं तो मैं बही जाता


कागा से हंसा किया, जाती बरन कुल खोये
दया दृष्टि से सहज सब, पातक डारे  धोये

The ways flowers of two colours mingle with one another- so ought humans to.

I have sometimes shared with others and more than that felt inside me that I do not just sing Kabir, I live by the words of Kabir, as I am sure do scores of others who are touched by Kabir in a significant way. I have internalized the philosophy and the lens of Kabir to look at life and for a lot of reasons I pick up the lens now and then, and usually there is a solution there for me for whatever the lens is picked up for.


For long years I have toyed with my name. I am sure most people are very comfortable with their own names and most in fact love their names. I have had a love/hate relationship with mine. I have always found it a bit inadequate or a verb; whereas I would much rather have been an emotion or an adjective:)!! Who can debate with parents why they named their children a certain way- strange are the reasons for naming children.

This uneasiness has made me want to change my name now and then,and as my closest friend will bear testimony indeed I did that at every possible juncture.

There are two things that are very significant in the final arrival at Saba Prateeksha- one is Kabir and the other is ghazal. Kabir being the influence he has been in my life has made my worldview completely beyond religion. To me the most important thing is the human being and the human mind, and religion the least significant. Kabir himself was born in a Hindu family and brought up by Muslim weavers- Niru and Nima, who were his adoptive parents. Is there any difference between parents? Kabir also mocked both Hindus and Muslims in his time for their ignorance and appeasement of god. So with such a person as a guide and ego-ideal I certainly could not remain confined to my Hindu-Brahmin Identity, because I did not feel comfortable in it for a long time. Or even if I did, I knew it did not completely define who I was.

The next significant thing in my singing-life after Kabir has been ghazal and I have been able to adopt the format of the ghazal simply because I love the Urdu language and the culture it represents, its etiquette and its poetry. To come to terms with ghazal singing I felt my name Prateeksha was not proper for representing ghazal. It was too complex a sound, for the Urdu language does not have letters like Pr or ksha. I sought advice and was suggested the name Naheed Anjum by the same person who had inspired me to sing ghazal, the poet-mathematician, Dr Naseem Ajmal. So that did it!! I even performed in Nepal with the name, Naheed Prateeksha...and then came Saba finally, because somewhere Naheed was not doing the trick for me in my ears too!

I became neither Naheed Anjum nor remain Prateeksha Sharma- but i merged the two of them to become Saba Prateeksha- half of this and half of that; the end of duality in my mind, in my name and in my work. Thanks to my master I have dropped the trappings of all that I was born into- whether name, birth, caste or clan. These were the lines I opened this blog post with - from a raven a swan I have become, due to my master says Kabir, says Saba Prateeksha.

To the ignorant this is a sign of me becoming Muslim; for why have I chosen a Muslim name say some. to the wise this is me becoming my integrated self. To myself- I am finally at home- in my own name, in my own self. At peace - for this is the end of the split that I aspired for always. And hereafter the world shall see the birth of the musician. May the music with each one make them complete.

The flowers showing here were grown by me long back outside my house